This is who I am.
This is where I’ve been, and where I’m probably headed.
But will I measure up?
Is this the right path?
Is God’s plan for my life as bright and sacred as sometimes I hope it is?
Sometimes that certainty in God’s purposes, that faith, is like hearing a welcome sound or a whisper on the edge of the wind that’s so faint you can barely make it out. And even then, it’s only every few minutes that it’s strong enough for you to believe that you really did hear it in the first place. But how gratifying it is to know it’s really true. I’ve learned to treasure those still, quiet moments of faith. They are often nestled in the most deafening crash of circumstances that life can deal out. Warp speed life promotes uncertainty, but God is more than able to break in. He created it after all. It stands to reason that He is capable of doing a good job at fixing it. Yet, to top it off, I still wonder how I’ll ever walk steadfast into his plan for my life and the billions it intersects. How will I breathe the air of redemptive history? Can I pull it off? Am I really just to rest in Him?
Yes. I am convinced the answer is yes and amen.
So many times we miss out on the relational manner in which God has set up our lives. Maybe it’s a result of the fall, but instead of authentic community with God and others, we settle for inauthentic community with ourselves and things. No matter how much we grow spiritually, there is always to some degree a battle between our agenda and everyone else’s. We’re built to partner with Him, yet so many times to we try to either do it all on our own or we assume He’s doing just fine without our input. We are missing the point. We are built for partnership – albeit one of a Greater to the lesser, yet he is calling us to play ball. Our ability to make ourselves available to be led by him in whatever purposes he may bring us to will determine our level of impact in life. It comes down to a trust thing. Will we ever learn to trust that God really does intend for our lives to count, and He will be the one enabling us to do so if we’ll only follow?
I’m learning that I’ve got to surpress the urge to wonder about what I’m missing out on as He leads me to who I am to become and who I am to impact. What if was “meant” to be a great artist or CEO? What if I was meant to invent the next Duct Tape? What if I was meant to live in obscurity in India serving orphans? That is why most days I don’t want to be labled as an American pastor. I sense that I have capacity for more. Or perhaps more correctly, I sense that I have capacities for different so I operate on a “don’t pin me down” basis. Maybe you’ve wrestled with a thought like,
“God, please don’t corner me into an identity that I’m uncertain
about. I know we’re moving further into your plan here, but what exactly am I
missing out on here? What if I’m wrong about your call on my life? What if I’ve
missed your leadings and I waste the one precious life you’ve given me? Why did
you set it up this way?”
I think it’s because it gets us back to how we should be living life in the first place. This causes us to cling so desperately to him that we learn, hands on, to truly trust him.
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God, I want my heart to be a welcome place for you. Please come and shepherd me. I want to confess that You are the Potter, and I am the clay. Yet Lord, show me my part as the vessel and give me courage to obey!!
